Dad, 43 died on Father’s Day just months after discovering the true cause of his back ache
A DAD-of-two passed away on Father’s Day just months after discovering the true cause of this backache.
Toby Bevans struggled with a backache, fatigue and chest pain after a bout of the flu.
7
7
Realising he was struggling to get well, the dad spoke to his GP – and received a shocking diagnosis.
Despite experiencing “very few” symptoms, Toby was told he had stage 4 bowel cancer in January 2024, his wife Ali Bevans, 42, said.
Typical symptoms of bowel cancer include blood in your faeces, a change in bowel habits and weight loss, but Toby hadn’t experienced these so his diagnosis hit the family like “a bullet train”.
The dad underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but doctors soon informed the couple in May that there was “nothing else” they could do.
Read more on bowel cancer
He died peacefully at home aged just 43, on June 16, 2024, which happened to be Father’s Day.
Before he died, Ali was inspired to “take a challenge on” and she decided to launch a JustGiving page to run the 2025 TCS London Marathon on April 27.
With friends, family and colleagues taking on their own fundraising challenges in support of Team Toby, Ali has since received more than £85,000 in donations for Bowel Cancer UK.
Ali said: “Toby’s diagnosis came with very few symptoms and none of the traditional bowel cancer flags and was a huge shock.
“It was literally like a bullet train and the bullet train crashed.
“None of us know what’s around the corner, but we can do our best to live our life today.”
Ali – a development manager at Marks and Spencer who lives in Windsor – and Toby first met at university and were married in 2011 before having their two children Freddie, now 10, and Tilda, nine.
She described him as “thoughtful and loving with a zest for life”.
Towards the end of 2023, Ali said Toby was experiencing some fatigue and backache.
However, it was not until he developed the flu in December 2023 that he knew something was wrong, as his chest was hurting and he “wasn’t recovering”.
7
7
7
He spoke to a GP and, after further tests and examinations, Ali said doctors “hit [them] with the horrendous diagnosis”.
In January 2024, they were told Toby had stage 4 bowel cancer and it had spread to his liver and bones.
“Your world just stops in an instant,” Ali said.
“Your life is never the same from that moment.”
Ali said she then entered “fight stage” as she wanted to do everything in her power to “make life as good as [she] could for Toby” as he underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
Despite the “brutal” diagnosis, Ali said she and Toby enjoyed spending time together and found comfort in the small moments, such as making each other smile or getting outside.
When to get back pain checked by a doctor
We all experience back pain from time-to-time.
Usually, it is a pulled muscle or strain. It could be an injury.
In most cases, back pain eases with time and rest (though it is it advised to keep moving with stretches or activity).
GP Dr Zoe Williams, Sun Health’s resident doctor, says if you notice any of these red flags, it’s important to get it checked out by your doctor.
They include:
- Severe back pain when you’re 20 or younger, or over 55
- Loss of control of your bowels or bladder
- Weakness or numbness in a leg or arm
- Foot drop or a disturbed gait
- High fever
- Saddle numbness – that’s of the anus, perineum or genitals
- A history of cancer
- Thoracic pain – that’s pain in your mid-spine
These symptoms could be a sign of a slipped disc – also known as a herniated disc – some types of cancer, infection, fracture, or rheumatoid or vascular diseases.
Numbness in the leg can be a warning sign of sciatica, which often starts with nerve pain in the leg, and can cause weakness as well as pins and needles.
While rare, symptoms such as numbness of your genitals can be a sign of a serious condition, cauda equina syndrome.
This is where something compresses the nerves right at the bottom of the spinal cord, and it is a medical emergency that often requires surgery.
If left, it can lead to paralysis of the leg, incontinence and a loss of sexual function.
“I think it puts everything into perspective and it gives you so much clarity,” Ali said.
“In the end, from his diagnosis to the day that he died, it was just under five months and, at the end of May, we knew that he was going to die.”
By May, the family was told that Toby’s cancer had progressed and there were no further treatment options.
This meant Ali just focused on “making him comfortable” in his final days, with “incredible” support from Thames Hospice.
Ali said: “He died on Father’s Day, which was very poignant, very Toby.
“I don’t think it’s something you can ever prepare yourself for… but I was with him at the end and I was very grateful for that.”
‘Life is a gift’
While Toby was in hospital, Ali talked to him about running the 2025 TCS London Marathon and she decided to launch a fundraiser which received more than £6,000 in donations in 24 hours.
Just before Toby died, Ali said the donations had reached £22,000 and he told her: “Double your target, go for £50,000, you’ll get there.”
Ali and Toby’s children and friends have since taken on their own challenges, and work colleagues have even hosted quizzes, bake sales, 24-hour danceathons and a silent auction, taking the current total to £85,446.
Ali’s sister Vicky Plenderleith is swimming the distance of a marathon in 10 days, and the donations have allowed for Ali and Toby’s friends and her other sister Caroline Divitt to join her and run the marathon.
Reflecting on the support, Ali said: “It’s just amazing because the one thing that Toby was always big on was his friendships.
“Even Freddie summed it up and said, ‘Mummy, if we make a difference to just one person’s life, it will be worth it’.”
Following Toby’s death, Ali said the marathon has given her “something positive to focus on” and she wants to continue “living for [herself] and the kids”, with Toby always in their hearts.
7
She said crossing the finish line with her friends will be “hugely emotional” on April 27 and hopes she can reach her latest fundraising target of £100,000.
She hopes Toby’s story raises more awareness of bowel cancer and helps other families “avoid going through what [they’ve] gone through”.
“For Toby at the end, he genuinely said, ‘I’ve got no regrets’, and I think for somebody at 43 to say that is incredible,” Ali said.
“He said: ‘Life is a gift. Do the things that make you feel alive’.
“Toby made the most of every opportunity, and I think living in that way, ultimately, is all you can do.”
Pascale Harvie, president and general manager of JustGiving, said: “Through hard work and determination, Team Toby has raised both important awareness and vital funds for Bowel Cancer UK.
“Their story is a powerful reminder of the incredible impact communities can have when they come together.”
To donate or find out more, visit Ali’s fundraising here.